Happy Memorial Day!

It’s coming up on Memorial Day weekend and I’m going to do what the rest of you liberal homos won’t do. I’m having a flag pole party. You didn’t even know it was a thing, did you? Jesus how out of touch unsolid piles of shit are. I’m sure this weekend your pansy asses will be attending a hipster gender reveal for a soon to be gender fluid Cab Calloway attending “it”. What color butt cannon gets launched at an LGBT gender neutral artificially inseminated baby reveal party anyway?

You disgust me more than my buddy Earl in his suspended dungarees. The way that guy has to sit in that folding church chair, eating his wife’s German potato salad is beyond comprehension. How the chair doesn’t collapse under his weight I don’t know. The way he positions himself so his testicles hang just beyond the corner of that chair like over-ripened molding Valencia oranges too light to break away from their branch, but just heavy enough to drag nearly an inch above ground is a sight not to behold.

I shake my head in disgust, not at Earl. Well, yes at Earl, but for a different reason. He’s got diabetes and he can’t help what happens to his ripened mango-sized-sack. Which actually, now that I think about it; It’s size could be more due to the fact that ever since his wife found out he went with us to the Canton Inn, she stopped role playing Naughty Night Nurse Irene. And, he no longer gets a sponge bath, a happy ending, and a monthly bed sores lookover.

I shake my head in disgust at thinking about an LGBT butt cannon gender reveal, and at how out of touch you are with Real Americans like me. Out of touch to Patriots like Earl. First Responders like Bella who even though she dropped out of the Georgetown Del Tech Campus, still serves her country in an ambulance. Sure, she serves it while screaming like a siren as she gets plowed by half the boys at Federalsburg’s volunteer fire house hours into a Beef & Beer celebrating Jackie and Logan’s out of wedlock mongrel son, but she serves it, god bless her. None of you can say you’d do that far for your country or a mongrel.

I already got my 4 bags of quickcrete. My buddy John is coming over with his auger, and a 30 pack. Before slapping this shitty post together, I bought an 18-foot telescoping aluminum 2 flag hanging pole from Amazon. Yeah I know, you thought I was gonna say Walmart. You don’t know me, cocksucker. Try to label me. Call me names all you want. I won’t sink that low. You wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty. In two days, that pole will be here. And it’ll be erect. And it will be glorious. Plus, Walmart only had the single flag version in stock. I need to be able to fly two. One for Old Glory, which you hate and would burn faster than you’d say yes to a hand job at a Pride Parade.

The other flag? Blue lives Matter. I’m not afraid to put that shit on my front lawn. God, please let it offend someone. Please let them call the HOA so I can be on Hannity and start a god-fund me campaign and get rich. My half-breed nephew gets all offended, and shakes his vape sucking head whenever I wear my BLM/POW shirt. I just look over at his mother and ask when’s his daddy get paroled so he can start teaching junior here how to deal and pass on the family legacy.

I’m honoring everyone this weekend when I raise my flags. Honoring every full blooded American you are afraid to stand up for. The heroes not afraid to murder little brown women and children while they defend our nation in time of war. I’m even willing to honor first responders who still don’t have a day. I vow to honor anyone and everyone you don’t like. Patriots, they come in all shapes in sizes. Yes, like Earl’s barely hanging from the vine tomatillos.

Earl. Flag poles. Mongrels. Americans. Ambulances. Beef & Beers. I love America and I know you don’t. I pretend to be angry because I’m smarter than you. What makes me not angry and smarter than you?

1. I spent an hour in a bunker doing a podcast that won’t air.

2. Catwoman and Black Widow aren’t here anymore screeching nonsense about Hillary.

3. That you people want to fuck up America by giving poor people the rights they are too dumb to defend.

I love America, and I serve it. I serve it every god damn day of my life and I’m proud to do it. No, not in the military. You could die doing that shit. I serve the mail. Rain, wind, snow, hail. Let it be known here on this day that us brothers and sisters in the Selbyville and Middleford Postal Workers Union truly believe we should be classified above first responders.

Yes, I didn’t serve my country. I didn’t want to, didn’t have to, and I love people that didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t. I’m not a hypocrite. I’m smart. I’m nowhere near embarrassed by it either. Tough guys are tough guys. Patriots are patriots. Rich people get rich because they worked hard, or their family had a trucking business allowing them to be a fat fuck up for a few dozen years, and live off a trust fund. Who am I to challenge revisionist history? We live in a fucking republic and that’s how it is. Family wealth gets passed down generation to generation.

Fallen or Standing, Served/Not Served. All Patriots in this country deserved to be honored by real Americans with big, newly erected flag poles. And THAT will always be what makes me better than you.

Trump is going to win, b/c your mom, that’s why

Yes, I’m fucking going nuts thinking about how Trump is going to win in 2020.  I remember the Bush years.  I thought Jon Kerry had a chance.  The guy with a face longer than Jay Leno’s and almost as annoying an accent.  My god, I really thought he was going to win, Jon Kerry.

Who would fucking re-elect a dude that was murdering other humans, torturing them?  How would we re-elect a guy that lied about a war that was murdering hundreds of thousands of children, women, boys?    We went to war against a country that had nothing to do with 9/11. People were marching in the streets over an illegal war!  How did he, Bush win again?

I can’t even begin to understand who would elect a guy that was literally ok with waterboarding people?  And thinks it made us safer as a nation.  Did you know last week we were negotiating with the Taliban?  And guess who was across the table.  People we tortured in the prisons we built, and paid for. It’s like no bother to tell them that one day in the future we may have to negotiate with the people we torture.  Yeah, don’t you feel safer?

So I ask you, if that happened only a few years ago, and those same racist, evangelical, bible thumping shit bags in the country are alive in droves, who are we to think Trump is so awful he won’t get re-elected?  We went to war illegally and did nothing to those people man.  NOTHING.  We have a freckle-faced, four eyed bitch that tortured them running our god damned CIA man.

I have full blown unmedicated ADHD so I’m warning you now that if you don’t think this post is off the rails yet then just keep reading.  I promise you, it won’t make any more sense or come together 2000 words later.

If you think to yourself there’s no way Trump is going to win again then you live in a bubble.  A tightly wound bubble?  No, bubbles aren’t tight.  And neither’s your mom, you fucking loser.  But you do live in a bubble.  And so do I.

He’s winning.  I’m telling you.  He’s winning again.  The Dems are fucking stupid.  I’m fucking stupid.  How do I know you’re stupid?  Because you’re still reading this stupid post.  They eat their own, the dems do.  Look what they did to Lisa Blunt for gods sake.  She’s been neutered (I hope that’s not racist, b/c I didn’t think it all the way through if it was)

She was an outspoken civic leader at one point, wasn’t she?  White people were afraid of her up here in N. Wilm.  She was a black woman, all blackity, blacking it up in all the black churches of Milton, Dover, Harrington and other poor voter oppressed towns of Sussex and Kent counties.  Word got out that she was going to let black people vote, even the ones in the city.  The ones Mike P hates so much and wishes he could would ship out to one of those islands Lincoln pined about many moons ago.

Hell, I bet Mike P already has had meetings to make an island for those people.  He’ll probably make it not too far from Cherry Island.  BPG no doubt would win the contract to build it too.  I actually assume there is a secret no contest bid in place that BPG has already won and thus has begun city planning on.  I also assume meetings have taken place with their communications dept on what to name the city people’s island.  Actually, maybe that’s it; City People Island?  West Over Hilltop Isles?  Gunpoint Island?  The Real Browntown? Feel free to get in on the naming

Regardless of the name it would be a series of over budget, crappily built islands interconnected with shitty bridges.  All the island streets would also have a series of connected walking bridges and maybe even a tram car somewhere in it.  The island would have an almost, so close, just about, modern flair to it that was inches, centimeters close to being upscale, but just seemed to fall a few thousand dollars short of being inspirational and worthy of being a model for other cities.  Think a Nato Country that is now being marketed as European but is really just an old Soviet bloc country.  That my friend is where the Isle of City people will reside if Mikey P had his wishes, and if Lisa hadn’t gone all ghetto and bucked the system.

Look, I can’t think straight ok.  And if you are still reading this you probably can’t either.  Trump!  Go away man.  Get out of my life.  My news.  My twitter.  My WIP.  Go please go.  Google and their god damned news feed manages to somehow insert his stupid fucking orange, caterpillar eye brow, anus lip face onto my phone.  I can’t escape it.  I’m cross-eyed for god sake.  I’m not tight.  I’m not wound.  I’m unbound.  I’m coming loose and not in a good way.  What would be a not good way to come loose?  Think Salesianum Priest and one of the 15 year old boys that years later sued the school and won.  Which your kids if they are going there pay for that lawsuit with higher tuition.  Yeah, that kind of loose.

So that’s why he’s going to win. No not Sallies or numerous other Wilmington church priest victims.  But really yes, that too.  Bubbles man!  We live in bubbles man.  Cocoons.   Levels!  Self-created, self-rewarding, bubbles, cocoons, and levels man!  All threaded with the content we consume, regurgitate, and repurpose.  We repurpose it into something that we think is unique and original, but is really just more of the same bullshit. Over and over and over.   There’s even reclaimed wood decals at Home Depot.  How do you sell fucking reclaimed wood decals?  AND PEOPLE ARE BUYING IT!

So, if my side is living in this bubble then so is the other side.  Algorithms man!  Algorithms!  They, Google, their algorithms, they know you said you slept awful last night and now that ad you just heard on Spotify, yeah that’s right it’s all the same man!  News is being aggregated based on what you say and do. Literally what you say.  But you don’t care.  Do you?  No.  It’s fine.  We’re fine.  We’re in Delaware.  Mediocre, sane, level, average, do nothing, say nothing, pump the breaks so a car doesn’t’ rear end you, legalize gambling and weed well after half the other states have, Delaware.

More and more tightly we’re being wrapped into our little worlds.  They’re dividing us man.  Splitting us up into market segments and filling us with so much horseshit we start to believe the little world we live in is a microcosm for the real world, the just and righteous world.  It’s the world the rest of you people live in that’s fucked up.  Mine just fine with my reclaimed wood decal and bosley hair remediation treatments.

I can’t do this anymore.  I can’t do this for two years.  I’m going to try and immerse myself into sports!  I’ve almost done it. I’m going to lead by example and prove to all of you weaker minded morons how I broke the cycle.  I escaped the google algorythemthingy I’m ranting about. I’m going to show you how I ungoogled my news from commondreams.org, the palmerreport and Rachelmaddow, theblaze, washingtonexaminer, and the herald.nz.

I unbubbled myself and now I can freely yell at my 10-year-old son that doesn’t leg out a fucking groundball.  I’m going to be that parent so involved in my kids’ life that I’ll be leaning against the Naaman’s Little League complex fence yelling at him as he runs all 60 feet of the first base line.  Yelling at him to stop fucking looking at the god damned ball, keep your head straight and stretch your boney momma’s boy legs through the bag you stupid, gangly, idiot.

My god how hard is it to just run up the fucking base and not look at the weakshit groundball you hit?  I’m instagraming your stupid at bat for mommom and you’ll see it later when we go to that pathetic excuse for waterice called Rita’s and me and your over protective helicopter mom both complement your at bat.  We will recall in awe how unreal it was you got a hit with that hole in your swing.  That hole you need to correct because it is a cross between a one-legged Syrian carpet bomb victim and a malnourished Guatemalan ICE caged kid trying to club a lice infested rat, which each hopes to eat for dinner.

So I’m not wound tight ok.  Proven by the nonsense I’ve written above.  And neither is your, that’s right, fucking mom.

He’s going to win.  He’s going to win b/c Democrats like the pathetic fucking bunch we have here in pathetic Delaware that we pathetic citizens continue to re-elect, they keep telling you everything is fine.  That it’s not that bad. That we have to continue to find ways to work together or everything will go to shit. Because it can get worse you see, if we don’t continue to get along with the crazy people.  So, for right now, really everything is fine and it will be.  It will be because you see, we’re praying with them, we’re talking to them, and when they do things that aren’t too crazy or really too awful, then they’ll eventually see we are good people and will come around to what we think is good for the country and you people.

So yeah, everything is not ok.  Delaware is not fine.  Delaware is home to DuPont, Chase, Astra Zeneca, 2 oil Refineries, several Casino’s, and god knows how many shell companies that allow corporations and their billionaire owners to hide money legally but is really illegal.

This post is shit, I know.  But I’m still searching for something that ties it all together while at the same time relieves the pounding in my head.  So unfortunately for the two people that are still reading this, this post is just several hundred words of me saying something bout your mom.

And then nanoseconds after I think about your mom, who could actually be hot, my mind thinks about lady parts and then boobies, and then how I have to check my Instagram for camel toe pics.  Why instragram?  B/c fucking Tumblr man!  It’s bullshit!  And you know you know what I mean.  Pervert.

And then, well none of this is helping my case b/c it’s Sunday morning and I’m frisky and I have a wife of 14 years and I think we all know that it being a morning, my being frisky and having a wife of 14 years means I’m going to wait for her to go to away so I can steal myself away in my bathroom or maybe in my garage and

I really hope that one day 40 years from now people will think this is actually a creative post that rivals the visual art of that dude that threw up paint onto a giant 100 sq foot canvas and commenced to rolling around in vomitted paint naked, while stroking himself wearing a VR headset with dolphin porn.  And if you don’t know about that guy then you live in a bubble bro.  And dolphin porn may or may not be a thing.

So, how is tRump going to win?  I’ll tell you how?  DuPont, Chase, Gore, Astra Zeneca, Dover Downs, Purdue.  That’s how.  Delaware isn’t some fucking Shangri-La that has managed to stay above the fray.  We’ve caused it.  We’ve lived it.  We are it.  We continue to see what goes on in the rest of the country as something that happens in a far-off extremist land where people want raped teenage girls to not get abortions because clearly god wanted her to get pregnant.  Those same people live in Delaware man.  You see that church on Rt13?  Who you think goes there?

We aren’t some state that isn’t filled with politicians so subservient to their corporate donors they forget to care about the actual constituents and their snot filled, ignorant, racist children.  Yeah, we are just as bad as Alabama, North Dakota, and Wisconsin. Fact.  Actually, we’re worse.  Our corporations have led to the deaths of tens of thousands of people.  Have led to their bankruptcies.  Have led to their cancers.  Have led to our children suffering of asthma.  Have led to other nations citizens being bombed to death.

OMG can you believe that court case in California that awarded the guy $80,000,000.00 b/c he got cancer from pesticides?  What chemical company would create carcinogens and lie about their research to make billions?  Trivia: What state has hundreds of DuPont trust fund babies going to Point to Point in a month?

Holy shit, did you see what those banks did to energy markets, the LIBOR, Veterans, Credit Card holders?  Can you believe what they did to their customers?  Shocking!

(Hand to the back of my forehead) Did you read how that pharmaceutical company lied about their product and it’s lead to all those teen suicides and kids addicted to drugs?

I have to sit down when I think of all the food recalls b/c of salmonella and the horrible conditions chickens live through so I those people out west can eat their chik fil a

Can you believe that the legalize how often a slot machine pays out in Vegas?

How about that awful fuel spill at that oil refinery?  My god the toxins those poor people breathe.  Can you believe that live literally a half mile from the smoke stack?  All the asthma and cancer those poor people have been found to have.  Could you imagine?  Thank god that doesn’t happen around here.  shwew

These things are so awful, how can we let this stuff happen in our country?  It’s incredible isn’t it?  What state would allow a company to poison its residents?  Allow the banks to cheat them by rigging financial markets?  Allow a pharmaceutical company to kill people and its shareholders make billions?  Who could vote for a person that allows food to be produced in 3rd world poverty-stricken country like conditions with workers that are actually undocumented illegal immigrants?  What state would legalize a gambling practice that guarantees the customers lose 7 out of 10x’s and then lowers their taxes when they complain they are taxed at too high a rate?  Could you imagine a state that had a nuclear power plant and/or an oil refinery pumping carcinogens into the sky that fell into their citizens rivers and the children’s lungs?


And that’s why Trump is going to win reelection.  Because as sane as we like to think we are in this fucking state, the people we know that are nowhere near as sane as us live in even greater denial.  They are wound up so tight in their google fed algorithimed cocoon that they don’t have a clue man.

I hate the Blues

I’m not sure I feel comfortable discussing this subject. I’ll be honest, I think that people around here and on this site have made it nearly impossible to have a serious discussion about this subject without calling one another horrible names. So even to write about it under as suedonympho could get me in huge amounts of trouble.

When you see something, say something. I’ve seen enough, and I’m going to say something.

I don’t like the blues.

There, I said it. I feel better. Perhaps I do feel a little shameful. Only because it took this long for me to say it. And yes, perhaps someone may even try to shame me. I can see this post has the potential to cause quite a shit storm if published. Oy vey, how some people are going to react.

Seriously. I’ve tried to like the blues. I’ve listened. I’ve even attended sessions in basements; brisket and wine night. Not a fan. I just can’t like them, the blues. After a while it’s the same stupid shit over and over and over. It’s just said in a different way. I can’t stand the incantation like nature of the message. The way they preach on and on. Jesus Christ enough already with that. It’s almost lecturing, but it’s paternalistic. Like ohhhhhhhhh listen to me, you don’t know the suffering I’ve had. Allow me to sing to you my wisdoms. My people this, my woman that, my dad this.

If you don’t love everything about the blues then you hate all the blues. Period. That’s what happened today. If I don’t like one, I don’t like any. I’m immediately cast off as a radical. A threat. A terrorist. All or none. You don’t like them, I don’t like them, the solution? Split the record down the middle and now you both have half of an album you can’t play on the record player.

Some of them, with the way they dress. It’s always the same. White shirt, black pants, simple leather shoes. As if they are sooo god damn poor. Their whole life they were. The way they speak. They have their own secret language for god sake. They refuse to stop singing from on high about all their problems.

How long are you going to complain about how bad you have it? The blues this. The blues that. If you knew how bad it was, you’d be blue too. How long before you finally own your shit, and accept some of the blame for where you are in life?

The thrill is gone for me. Yes, it is. I can’t take the blues. Their mojo or mysticism as some call it, well it isn’t working on me anymore. I could care less about how you people only want bowlegged women. I mean really, who needs to hear how bad it is that you have a woman so large it hurts when she gets on top? Yes, the blues are offensive. I quit you, so don’t beg me, please don’t beg me not to go.

You people, yes, I said you people, I’ll say it again probably because I’m running out of material, you people have a global platform that promotes your “culture”. It broadcasts it in my car, on my phone, on my twitter, I even see it on youtube. But the second I go and criticize the blues, you can sure count an entire army roaring back on me like Goliath on David. They’ll scream that I wish all their records cut up into pieces, tossed into an incinerator, and deleted from hard drives all across the earth.

Why can’t I just not like the blues without being called names? Why can’t I say that I tried to like the blues and it never worked out? It isn’t personal. It’s a choice I made and stick too. Listen, I even dated one. But the parents? Oy, they hated me. They didn’t choose me as the one, I guess. Something about their daughter idolizing me as if I was her god. (not the first woman to have done this btw)

But because of my job I could only really go out one night a week. And this one little thing seemed to be what caused the biggest problem. I tried to explain that Saturday was it for me and traditionally it had become my family’s movie night. I explained that it was the way I was raised. Saturday, we go out, Sunday we rest.

Her parents insisted that Saturday was for the blues. That was the way god intended it and so god forbid I be allowed to take her out for a cheeseburger and movie, even worse do it on Saturday. So, we broke up.

She did give me back my Led Zeppelin Albums. She wasn’t allowed to keep them in her house. Some kind of laws would have been broken. Her peoples laws she said. Blue laws. When I came to pick them up, she threw them at me. Crying, she screamed, “My people will never accept this. This is not real blues! It’s not even blues inspired!” Sobbing, her dark locks covering her face.

“Everyone will learn that they just copied their works from a bunch of other blues. History will show that they stole from my people, and collected their sheckles without shame.”

Awkward right? Out on the front step. She did this. I schlepped back to my car and drove away, Physical Graffiti blaring. Screw the uppity blues. Their standards. Oh how devout they are, but in time the will just Muddy their waters when it suits them.

It’s not how I was raised, to not like blues. I blame social media. I don’t remember even really knowing anything about the blues growing up. I was raised as a progressive. Sure, some people say I was Rushed into adulthood. I like to think that I was Rolling Stone and had tried to branch out into other culturally acceptable sects.

Yes, I admit I went through a Moody period, but all those Doors seemed to shut over time. I tried to go the Alternative route, but it got to Emotional, and it just delved into a popular culture that everyone liked regardless of how empty the message seemed to become.

Man, If I got a Nickle Back for every bad blues album I bought I’d be rich. And so as I struggle to find ways to wrap this post up, I’ll just come back to where I started.

I don’t like blues and I am willing to accept all the anger and hate that comes with it.

Especially from a cabal that say they are progressive, but between you, and me will be the first person to laugh at a joke about the blues.

Thank you for your service

Don’t thank me for my service, go fuck yourself.

I want that to be my new response and the one that everyone else uses. This weekend when I go to get my free haircut and that cute little 22-year-old that never does my eye brows is finishing up, I want her to be caught off guard. “Thank you for your service, sir”. “Don’t thank me for my service, go fuck yourself” Oh man the look on her face. That’s what you get for not cutting back these caterpillars. Get a real job kiddo. Sorry, not sorry.

Yer god damn right I’m going to Texas Roadhouse and getting my 6 oz free filet. No, I’m not leaving a tip. I’m a veteran. I served. It’s my right. As the waitress swings by to give her thanks right before I leave, yes it will be a female, I’ll kindly reply while looking her in the eye, as I was trained to do, “Don’t thank me, go fuck yourself” Maybe she’ll think I have PTSD. Hell, she’ll probably be happy I didn’t walk in and shoot the place up with my freshly purchased AR-15 equipped with a bump stock that people like that fuckstick Gregg Lavelle couldn’t find the balls to ban. BTW, you’re a pussy Gregg. Yes, I spelled your name wrong on purpose. And no, I won’t thank you for your service. Good riddance. You blocked constituents off of your facebook page. You deserve to lose coward. You live in N. Wilmington in a fucking bubble and you as an elected official can’t take a few critical words from social media? You aren’t fit to serve. Don’t thank me, go fuck yourself. America. Fuck yeah.

But I digress

Man do I ever recoil when people say to me, “Thank you for your service” I don’t know what else to say, so saying, “Don’t thank me, go fuck yourself” seems like what I’m going to stick with going forward. It seems appropriate. Admit it, you like it.

But why is that the natural response anymore? When did this nonsense start? It wasn’t until what, 5 years ago? It had to be from that fucking fraud of a media outlet. It’s definitely conservative in nature. God knows a liberal, antifa, pole smoker wouldn’t thank a veteran. Am I right, Frank? (Air high fiving you right now brother!)

I don’t finish washing the dishes at home and my kids proudly, warmly, sincerely thank me for scrubbing the melted shredded cheddar off their plate? You know how freaking hard it is to clean dried, melted Costco cheddar which has oozed out of a decrusted grilled cheese sammy? No, fuck you, you little shit, go get your own damn water from your red sippy cup that has to have 3 cubes of ice in it.

After a sweaty night of coitus, I don’t roll off, huffing and puffing, after what probably felt like an eternity to her and say, “hey thanks for your service” Though I should. Maybe spot her a finsky for the effort next time? I’ll report back after Christmas. That’s the next scheduled event.

You see, your America, the one you live in that makes you believe if I tell you I served my country you need to thank me, that’s not my America. In fact, it’s not fucking American at all. It’s some coopted bullshit that is akin to the fake fucking war on Christmas. It’s some conservative media concocted jingoistic nonsense meant to divide us. To give you a sense of pride. A sense of nationalism. A sense that because you say it, it means you care; thus, you are a patriot and love America.

It’s like this fucking nonsense that came out of nowhere right before the election. Remember the caravan of big strong men coming to rape your wife? Which, let’s be honest, 90% of you reading this right now have wives that are fat, lumpy, celluloid ridden piles of shit that a Guatemalan travelling 1,000 miles on foot wouldn’t be able to harden his tamale for even if it meant Trump granted him asylum.

Get real man, don’t thank me for my service. You aren’t any more of a real American than I am b/c I wear sea green chino’s from vineyard vines and you wear Dickies.

Ok so we’ve established this, go fuck yourself. You don’t care about my service. You don’t care about this country. You don’t care about doing shit to save our democracy. You think thanking a veteran for his service is some sort of patriotic response. That’s what this is boiling down to. Do you feel like you did something for your country when you say it? Like you carried that rifle in boot camp? Did you get a mental picture of the boot camp stuff in Full Metal Jacket? In your head while thanking me, You were double timing it on a 12-mile hike with your jungle boots on, and had to duck and cover while the drill sergeant was hurling invectives at you. Hooroah, DRILL SERGEANT!!!

No? That’s not it? Well, why do you say it? Really? Why didn’t you say it like 10 years ago to me? Where was my god damn free Lube Job then? Huh? I know god damn well you didn’t thank anyone 15 years ago. Why didn’t you say it to me like 20 years ago? Why do you thank someone for their service now? What’s the god damn point? Do you have a clue? Any?

Let me answer that for you. No. You’re a pathetic excuse for a free-thinking American that can’t see how manipulated you are.

Do you realize that only like 15 years ago we started an illegal war? It’s not a big deal any more I know. Waterboard under the bridge, right. We went into war with the “Army we have”. IEDs blew up Humvees that had no doors filled with 19 y/o kids that didn’t have body armor. NBFD. We went into an illegal war unprepared, had our children murdered, and gave the people in charge a pass. Do you know that the country where the bombers of 9/11 were from is Saudi Arabia and we, Obamba too, sold weapons to those pieces of shit? We did nothing to the actual people responsible. Meh, oh well.

So again, don’t thank me for my service, go fuck yourself. As long as it’s not you serving, sure it’s easy to say thanks isn’t it? Thanks Betsy. It means a lot. Now ring up my fucking Fruit of the Looms, America’s choice jalapeno flavored salt and vinegar kettle style chips, and don’t put that single use American flag in the same bag as that discounted 10lb bag of chicken wings. Did I tell you I’m putting that flag up Sunday morning? One day a year, old glory shines bitches!

Hey, you reading this, what sacrifice did you make? Ohhhhh you’re a real American aren’t you, you thank people for their service. Oh I know, I don’t live in your real America do I. I don’t know the struggles you have. The one that has me battling the traffic of Main St. Middletown. Oh, honey look at the bunting on that house. This is our America isn’t it. Kids! Take a picture and put it on your Instagram. I’m gonna send this one to mom. She’ll be so proud. Your America right, the one I assume is in Bear Delaware or somewhere in Kent or Sussex county? The one that has a cousin in Rockford and can’t quit oxy. Oh your America in Felton? That makes your America a whopping 30 minutes’ drive from 10,000,000 million people. So, In case you didn’t know you live in the in the greater Philadelphia market. Or DC, or Baltimore.

Your America is my America you moron. You just choose to believe your world is different than mine. One thing we both can agree on though is the America those LARP kids live in, well that aint our America. I mean What. The. Fuck? Cab Calloway kids man. Sheesh.

Hey Bill? Do you still have a yellow magnet on your car? NO? Why the hell not? Hey, I want you to lean in closer, and read this, DID YOU KNOW WE ARE STILL AT FUCKING WAR? Thanks for hanging in there for a few years until the yellow faded or the lease expired on that king cab F150.

I will be honest though, I don’t see them for sale at the Dollar General anymore. I guess you can get a pass for your waning patriotism. Next time you swing by and have to buy those mylar balloons for Austin’s birthday, make sure to hit up the cashier and tell her (yes her) that you want to speak to her manager. When he comes out of the back room exasperated, glasses askew, combover no longer combed over, green button-down shirt all untucked and hanging awry over his black belt, find out why there aren’t any yellow ribbon magnets for sale no more.

And……by now you know I’m a veteran, and I tell people I am. Yet I hate hearing people thank me for my service. Hey guess what, go fuck yourself. It’s my right, I’m a veteran. My guess is 90 percent of the 10 readers (1) that visit this site aren’t veterans. Did you thank someone because you are ashamed you didn’t serve? Do you thank them because you wouldn’t ever tell your children or grandchildren to serve and you feel the least you can do is thank someone that had the balls to serve?

You see, if you are going to thank me for my service, I think it mostly means you didn’t serve. And that means you’re a pussy. Ipso Facto that means to me, you are a fraud. It screams to me that you know deep down you don’t, and won’t ever have the stones to serve your country. You won’t tell your own children or grandchildren to serve the country because they could die. They could be sent to war. Serving in the military is for other people that don’t have the opportunities your kids do. My god, imagine little Tucker sent to fight an illegal war and die. Jesus how awful. Imagine little Cayliegh went into the Air Force got raped or sexually assaulted by one of her peers and never finds justice. Man, that is awful. Hey, tell your son I said, “Thank you for you service!”

“ohhh my god he died in training exercise? Sheesh, my bad” go fuck yourself.

My guess is that you don’t think much about people serving most of the year. My guess is when having those icky thoughts thrusted upon you, the shame you feel inside is lessened by throwing out what seems to be a from the heart, sincere, patriotic response.

So next time you hear someone is a veteran I want you to think long and hard, long and Ron Jeremy long and hard. I want you to search deep down, balls deep down, into that pit of your stomach now filled with anxiety and shame, shame at the thought of Ron Jeremy’s dong and shame at the thought that the reason you thank someone for their service is because you don’t want to actually process those awkward feelsies, those squirmy, leg crossing emotions you now are overwhelmed with, those feelings that are telling you that you aren’t a real american, that you aren’t a patriot, that you’re a coward. A coward that wants to think he’d run into a school being cut down with automatically rifled bullets, but never ever in a million years would actually do it.

You don’t want to have to think about the very real possibility that Travis will be murdered by an Afghanny. Murdered in a war that was started when he was still kicking a soccer ball in the wrong direction down at MOT on a cold Saturday morning which you were running late on, and didn’t have time to pick up that beloved pumpkin latte. That latte that would have kept your hands warm while you listened to other dads, festooned in Cabela camo vests yap away about their sons travel fall ball aspirations.

We know you don’t want to think that Carol Ann will be raped and beaten in a foreign country by her recently promoted NCO. We sure as shit know that you are powerless over what could happen and is way more likely to happen to your son, daughter, grandson, or granddaughter in the military, during the theater of war which we are still waging in several countries.

In closing, if any of you thank someone for their service, your penance is to go buy that magnet you never replaced.

But honestly just don’t thank me or anyone for their service. When you do though, I hope you here me in your ear saying, “Don’t thank me for my service, go fuck yourself”

Caravans and Tacos

What’s more of a threat to this country, Jared Kushner not paying any federal income taxes on $100,000,000 to $200,000,000 of income for 6 years or a caravan of poor people 1,000 miles away?

The answer is pretty fucking obvious if you’re not racists

Next Question; What’s more of a threat to the citizens of this country, especially older white Americans on retirement receiving Social Security and Medicare a caravan of poor people 1,000 miles away OR having your safety net taken away from you?

Again, the answer is pretty fucking obvious if you’re not racist.



Not sure how his blogging hadn’t been an issue before hand.  I think he was a good thing for the Union.  I think he is a good person.  Maybe I’m being a hypocrite.  If my shit ever becomes public man oh man trying to explain away any of it would be a nightmare.  People don’t get sarcasm, or know when what you are saying is tongue and cheek and meant to demean the people that really believe it.

Good luck Mike, you’ll land on your feet for sure.



Never Forget

I was fortunate enough to have this cross posted on DL

Never forget.  Don’t.  You can’t.  You would felate a sailor at a bar in Texas if you could wouldn’t you.  You would move to fucking Texas to get away from us fucking liberal pussies that just want socialism and everything free.  Fucking transgender voting treasonous fucktards that want to take away your hard earned money and pass it off to the “city” people that don’t do shit but kill cops, sell cigarettes outside of bodegas, and smoke crack.  God damn mother fucking Alabama is where it’s at people. Nick Saban.  Honda.  Jack Daniels.  That’s my America. (beats chest)  That’s the America I know and love.  Where I can roll coal in my dualie, festooned with 2 magnetic flags (so as not to ruin the paint job), 1 faded but still relevant yellow ribbon, and maybe even one of those R.I.P stickers from June 8 1998 to Aug 23 2016 for my Uncle that died early to an overdose of bad heroin he got from a darkie.

Man I bet you’d move to fucking Alaska to live with the bush men, or hell maybe a state that will allow you to open carry an AR15 like jesus wanted. Where smacking your wife around on a Wednesday is just pregame for shit that’s gonna go down on Friday night after a long week of working  That big vein in the Okey Smokey Coal Mines of West Virginia.  FUUUUUUUCKKKKKK BLACK LUNG…I NEED A JOB AND WILL WORK SO HARD TO PROVE TO YOU HOW LOYAL I AM TO AMERICA.

OMFG First responders.  I’ve been ranting away here and I want to know when do they get a day by the way?  Why haven’t we anointed the college dropouts, and wanna be FOP fan boys that were losers in high school and hung out with the would be 40 year old unshaven, overweight pedophiles that would take turns washing their pick up trucks sans new lift kits out front of the volunteer firefighter station?   How on earth has this not happened yet.  Think about the real americans trolling around in their Ford 350 Ambulance, tape dangling from their belt, scissors at the ready to remove clothing so they can put a tourniquet on that artery?  Seriously, how has this not become some nationwide us v/ them trope that fox news, info wars and breitbart have jumped on?

Holy crap it’s 9/11.  OMG.  (fans self)  I feel like I need to go buy a case of bud light, or shit, go all classic and buy a case of Natty light where I can kick back at some camper park and wax poetic with other real americans.  I can’t believe what an amalgamated mess of coagulated  memories I have about this day.  Bin Laden bombed us. That fucking sand n****er.  Can you believe that piece of shit with his other towel head friends living in a cave in Baghdad Iraq or Tehran Iran or wherever it doesn’t matter.  They are all dog hating, alcohol abstaining, Mohammed loving freaks that don’t appreciate our American values and believe in that murderous tool kit they call the kooran.  I see one more bitch in a hijab I’m gonna lose my shit live on facebook and hope to god it goes viral enough for me to be a recurring guest on Tucker Carlson.

I know it’s 9/11 and I can tell you right now, that there is nothing better than how this country has changed for the better.  Under that monkey Obama I would never have been able to outright tell an idiot on welfare to go get a job or better yet yell at a queer at Starbucks to leave the country and go to that socialist failing dystopia in Europe you love so much.  Shit the other day I cheered when they called the cops on those two “African americans” sucking on free wifi and not buying shit.  You know damn well “they” just go in there to cause trouble and stick their chins out about how it’s their store.

Seriously though, I can remember where I was on 9/11 like it was yesterday.  Some of you may even know the story by now.  I was sitting in a cube.  My own 3×3 cube covered with shoulder high walls, adorned with multiple stickers on a pyramid, next to my “commendations” for hitting goal successfully 9 months in a row and the 2 family pictures I was allowed to have per guidelines.  My sister emailed me and said to go to a TV.  My cell phone didn’t work.  The Manager wouldn’t let us really go to the internet to check the news, I remember people popping up like whack o moles from their cubes and they told us to sit back down so we could decision more credit cards. It was early in the month and we had a long way to go before we could hit our goal of a approving a few hundred thousand of those morons filling out cards at a recent Nascar event.  They really wanted that Dale Earnhardt card back then.  Fuck Jeff Gordon.

One plane into the tower.  A second plane into another tower.  What in holy hell was going on.  Another version of OKC.  Which I remember because I was standing topside in Norfolk Va with my colt 45 hanging on my hip.  This was unfolding all on live tv.  I will never forget the people literally jumping from the towers.  I will never forget it. Ever.  Seeing my fellow Americans jump from a building.  Enflamed.  Smoking.  Jumping to their deaths.  Falling, camera panning in, panning back.  Peter Jennings.  ON LIVE TELEVISION.  Jesus h fucking Christ what the fuck is going on?  Who did this?

FYI we got out of work early that day.  SUUUHWEEET.  Like 7 hours of pay.  Thank you Saddam.  Time to drink.

After that we learned it was Afghanistan. Or actually Iraq.  Facts matter.  Bush stood on a pile of rubble. Bull horn.  Bullshit.  Smoke em out of their caves.  Called them everything up to but not towel heads.  Patriot.  Our Flags went up, their pants went down, The fans get up and they get out of town. The arena is empty except for one man. Still driving and striving as fast as he can.  Sorry had a moment there…

It’s now like what?  40 years since 9/11?  I’ve divorced, remarried, had 5 jobs, another great depression struck because of the Democrats, anddddddddddd we hate blacks again shamelessly, out in the open.  It’s like having been at 3 Thanksgiving dinners on one day and now we, America finally gets to let loosen our racist bull riding championship belt buckle.

Thanks to the freedoms our boys in the service gave us, and our CIA tortured for I can now tell a brown beaner to go the fuck back home all while waiting in line at the Dollar General mid decision on purchasing the slim jim or hungry jack teriyaki beef jerky for my boy Chase.  It’s god damned beautiful.  We’ve turned back the clocks and are making America Great.  Black Lives Don’t Matter.  Blue Lives do.  NFL Players are a disgrace.  LeBron James is starting a madrassa.  Hockey is on the cusp of becoming America’s sport (as it should have always been).  Evangelical Christians are in government, can fuck porn stars, marry foreign Slovenian escorts that whisper in broken English mid pump, “fuck in wet spot big American rich business man”.  *(yes I would all day long with Melania)* Can I get a HOOOORAHHHHHH, NEVER FORGET BITCHES!!!!!  It’s our America and we are taking it back.  Come try to take it away from my deplorable overweight sausage fingers.

It’s now 2018, And I’m in a motherfucking post 9/11 nirvana.  Women finally have to admit the pill induces abortion. They are subservient to men.  Welcome to MY AMERICA where Politicians openly blow shit up on television asking me to vote for them.  You aint gotta ask me to vote man, just ask me who to kill for you!  FUCK I’m so goddamned AMERICANNED UP RIGHT NOW I want to smash a beer on my head and have the suds run down my chin, wetting the collar of my cutoff camo/these colors don’t run, fruit of the loom outlet T.

So much has happened since 9/11.  Never forget Puerto Ricans are a sub species of ungrateful Mexican Americans that by the grace of god were invaded by us a 100 years ago, we lied to about giving them their own independence and now can treat them like the leaches they are.

There is so much greatness that’s occurred at the hands of Republicans it hard to ever forget 9/11, Saddam Hussein’s army that invaded NYC, and the American flag safety blanket we have been ensconced with thanks to the first responders that beat back the first wave of jet fighters.

I don’t know where this all ends.  I don’t even know where it really began.  Fact’s matter.  Or they don’t.  I don’t even know anymore.  I just know that today is 9/11 and I’m not gonna ever forget what happened.  I’m not gonna forget who did it. And I’m gonna die fighting for these freedoms that I have now.  The ones I should have always have had but liberal coastal elites kept from me because they know better even though they never lived out here in the real world of my town that has no red lights, one stop sign, a mayor and Little Caesars that stays open till 11 on Saturdays.

God bless America.  Never Forget.

I still hate the President

What’s left to say?

What can I say that has not been said?

The president and his party are the heaped pile of shit left on the riverbank of the Ganges from a squatting man adorned in dusty, shit covered sandals.

They are the rim of juice left on the hole of a worn and well ridden prostitute on her last gasps of life

They are the festering fetid splotches of picked scabs being consumed by flies on the body of an overdosed heroin addict

Collectively I hate them.  I hate who they are.  I hate who they represent and what they are doing to this country. I hate the god they hide behind.  I nearly hate their god as much as I hate them.

Their craven cowardice is only eclipsed by their arrogant bravado.  I want to punch their smug fucking faces like Tyler Durden atop Pretty Boy

Fuck you and fuck you and fuck you again

Did a Domestic Terrorist kill a Delaware State Trooper

By now, every body in the region knows that a Delaware State Trooper was murdered at a Wawa in Middletown Delaware.  

But what people don’t is that it looks like the father told some law enforcement the day before Sealy to the life of a state trooper.  He either contacted State or County police out of concern for peoples safety due to his son’s extreme behavior.  The father had taken his own measures to kick Sealy out of his house the day before which could explain why the news reports he was at his “parents” house.  He probably hadn’t moved all his gear out or his guns and ammo.


Allegedly Burgon Sealy was wanting to take out more people, but as we already know didn’t.  It seems that the officer was responding to a call from Wawa about Burgon who had been sitting in his car at the Wawa for several hours.   Perhaps he had been waiting and thinking about what he wanted to do, also maybe because his father had kicked him out he had no where to really go.

Lastly another piece or two of info that could explain why it took so long for police to force the killer out of the house was that it seems that the reason the gas they lobbed into the home didn’t work is because Sealy had some sort of ventilation mask.  Also part of the reason the officers didn’t storm the house sooner was because Sealy had armor piercing bullets.

So the question is to what “extremes” was Sealy going to to have his father call the police and kick his son out?